M68!: Tonight at 7pm, Our Deal Leader, will address the nation. I am not his speech writer, as I have the intelligence above an angry Thai monkey, however, here is what you will hear.
First up, the fuel crisis is totally the fault of the ‘karens’ who are using gerry cans at the fuel pump. (Apparently, they can empty 600 petrol stations, so much respect.).
There is no fuel crisis, because my Energy Minister told me so.
Because we weren’t named in Trump’s angry tirade about nations that wouldn’t contribute to the war, we are ok. I know, I know, that sounds like Australia’s head is in the sand like an ostrich, but let me reiterate…..there are ‘ship loads’ of fuel heading our way….’I have to be careful how I say that’.
Yes, we have dropped the fuel excise by 23 cents, this is us showing leadership. Even though we were bullied into it.
We understand, as I speak from my $3 million beach front home, the pressure that Australians are feeling. I was bought up by a single mum and I lived in sub housing. And yes, I know I play that card as I am paid $450,000 a year with zero expenses.
Ultimately, I am going to blame the uprising of antisemitism in our nation on people. This is why I now have an Anti-semeticism person now on my staff. That shows that I love the Jews. Now I know that there are calls from radical right people, that Grace Tame should be stripped of her Australian of the Year award, but when she called for the death of Jewish people. She was clearly just joking, I mean, she is a young person and under no nation, that I lead, should young people be called to account. I love Grace Tame.
Now as I address the nation, I also want to address the lack of response to the Bondi Massacre. We were always going to have a Royal Commission. I was just delaying to see if we could flush out the other terrorists. I completely reject the idea that my Government, led by Penny Wong, has done a stellar job. Sorry, I didnt mean Penny Wong is leading the Government. I am in charge, hey Chris Bowen, I am in charge right?
Anyway, that’s what I think.
Peter
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