Guest Blogger–Kirby Stokes: Writing on a Young Daughter’s Perspective After Being Left Fatherless by Suicide.

I have known Kirby for nearly 15 years….Gym Instructor, Neighbour, Friend. Today, 19th August 2016, it is her father’s birthday and so she posted on Social Media a comment about suicide. I thought it was worth sharing wider than just among her social media friends and so with her permission I repost it here. My motive is this….often we shroud suicide in secrecy…. in the news they never mention the S word…..just a veiled mention of Lifelife at the end of a story. We rarely ever talk of the broader impact on family and friends. But that which is clothed in darkness has power….so let’s talk about it. Let’s bring it into the light: Sensitively and with the understanding of the pain of those left behind….Thank you Kirby for your vulnerable sharing.


Image result for little girls feet dancing on dad's feet


Today is my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 57. . But at 38 he took his own life. It shattered my world and has done so for the last almost 18 years. You never “move on”. You never “get over it”. You just learn to put one foot in front of the other while your heart breaks every single day knowing that you were not enough to keep him here.

He missed me leaning to drive. He missed walking me down the isle. He missed the births and knowing his perfect grand babies. He missed my divorce, and being there for me while I cried. And he’ll never know my forever man.

I’m saying all this this year, because there is so many things about awareness of men taking their lives at the moment and although most of them are a very lovely honest gesture, others are merely a way of showing that they can do awesome push-ups for a few days to show off. . (Referencing the 22 Pushups  a day challenge currently all over social media). If you want to partake then please do it with the respect I believe you think you are giving, knowing that each time I see your post I think of my heartache again.

Losing a loved one is devastating for life, no matter what way they leave us. My dad chose to leave as he believed there was no other way. There is always another way! I don’t believe this is just a man issue. We live in a world where we believe we need to be “perfect” to be “happy” we can’t make mistakes and we cannot be “happy” with anything less than perfect. This a world issue, not a man issue. We need to find a way to find TRUE peace, and all that that means, knowing that sometimes this world is shit. . But it will be beautiful again, you just have to not give up on your peace, not your perfection. Because take it from me my dad was not perfect. . . But my daddy was perfect for me.

Happy Birthday my beautiful dad.

You break my heart every day

Your Kirby

Categories: Australian, Current Affairs, Women

Tags: , , , , ,

4 replies

  1. Beautifully shared Kirby. 🙏🙏🙏🌹

  2. Sad for you, Kirby, but I know that you will walk a different road for your kids because you have this behind you. You are a woman of great courage and wisdom…

  3. I had a similar experience with my father. I feel like it was a very selfish act leaving a wife and two daughters behind (leaving ongoing devastation with being raised by a single parent and everything else you miss out on by having a father) I do put myself in his shoes and realise he felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel and couldn’t continue with life. I pray to God he is in heaven. Thank you for sharing kirby, we are not alone in the effects of family suicide

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