The following are my sermon notes from a sermon I preached on Sex as part of a Preaching Series titled Prison Break.
My heart tonight is to put sex into proper perspective.
Where do most people get their information about sex from?
One survey carried out in 2003 showed that the most useful source of sex information was
Magazines – 25%
Friends – 19%
Books – 13%
The Internet – 11%
Teachers – 8%
Parents – 7%
TV – 4%
Most of these sources don’t care about your health and wellbeing as a person.
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Sex was God’s Idea
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:
“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
So what’s God’s view of sex?
1. It’s the ultimate expression of love
Song of Solomon 4:1-16
2. For the procreation of Children
Gen 4:25 – “knew”
3. For pleasure
Mentions breasts & is not talking about breast feeding.
v.21 God sees people having sex
4. It honours God
5. It should be inside of marriage
1Cor 7:9 “better to marry than burn with passion”
There are lots of verses on Adultery and Fornication in the Bible
God’s plan for sex includes 1 man and 1 woman, within the marriage relationship
Two basic things that I want to say tonight
1) God’s design for sex is for marriage – so if you are married work on having a fantastic sex life
2) God’s design for sex is for marriage – so if you are single, live a life of purity honouring God with your sexuality.
Biblical morality is laughed at, belittled, called archaic, and old-fashioned.
Entertainment: Rarely in daytime TV will you see lovers who are married to each other. (evening sit coms as well) If it’s not pre-marital sex it’s extra-marital sex…
Advertising: Sex is the #1 seller of everything from beer to perfume to jeans, toothpaste, and breakfast cereal. “appeal to mankind’s baser instincts”
In the ‘60’s, Hugh Hefner said, “sex is a normal function of the body, it is a desire that man shares w/ the animals, just like sleeping or eating, therefore it is not wrong to satisfy these normal desires”.
Society has swallowed that philosophy, hook, line, and sinker. “Just throw off all your inhibitions, and if it feels good, do it.”
Josh McDowell is one of Christianity’s foremost experts on teenagers.
His research shows that in evangelical church circles:
65% of teens have had some kind of sexual experience before the age of 18. 43% say they have actually gone all the way.
He asked them where they learned their values in this area, and 73% said, “from the movies.”
The good news is that of the 35% who had no experience, the vast majority said the reason was because of a commitment they have made to God.
The most common question that teens and singles again ask – if not someone else they are asking it to themselves.
How far is to far?
The question “How far is too far? Anticipates FAILURE
You know I’m picturing the coyote on road runner now. How far can he push the limits before he ends up over the cliff. Is this too far? No. Is this too far? Nope. Is this too far? Yep – and it’s too late!!!
When we ask this sort of question we focus on failing. We are trying to push the envelope and we only know we have gone too far, when it is too late.
A far better question to ask would be “How can I HONOUR GOD with my physical relationships?”
Okay – so now that you see why this is such a tough question to answer – let’s give it our best shot.
1 Thess 4:3 says “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified [made holy]: that you should avoid sexual immorality [fornication, adultery and others]; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him.”
Josh McDowell specifically identified 12 stages of intimacy. James Dobson talks about them in his book “Life on the Edge” which is in our church library.
1) EYE TO BODY – you walk down the hall, totally innocent like, minding your own business and all of a sudden – we have contact – recognition – you see the body – and under your breath you are going – Nice!!!
2) EYE TO EYE – later that day you are in the playground or in the lunch room sipping your coke or coffee and all of a sudden you look over and she’s looking at you – You see this glimmer in her eye and you know it’s in yours too! The chemistry begins. You know nothing about them really, but there are these little flirtatious glances firing back and forth across the room.
3) VOICE TO VOICE – We get to the first conversation. Your words are tentative and uncomfortable at first – mere small talk, but soon the topics deepen. I remember some of Deanna’s first words to me. She tried to win onto me by telling me “my ears were nice.” Now apparently that is a huge complement coming from a speech pathologist who gets to look in all sorts of ears. Just so you aren’t left wondering, our conversations did get progressively deeper the longer we dated.
4) HAND TO HAND. Think back with me to the first time you ever held the hand of someone you were really excited about; her hand, nice cool soft, smelling like oil of olay or some other moisturizer. Guy’s hand: big, rough, hot, sweaty – smelling like grease. When you first touch hands it’s good; you’re happy. It’s a great stage. A person wouldn’t approach a total stranger in the street and ask them to hold their hands – why? Because that act in Australia anyway is reserved for those who are at a certain stage in a relationship.
5) HAND TO SHOULDER. This is still kind of a buddy thing. You walk up behind them when they are sitting down and you put your hands on their shoulders. You’re watching a movie and you stretch out and your arm just happens to end up around her shoulders. You hug each other. It is a further stage of the relationship
6) HAND TO WAIST. This is not a friendship type of a thing. This is more than just friends. Hand to waist is an intimate thing. It is the cuddling stage
7) FACE TO FACE. Face to face is where you’re looking in one another’s eyes, gazing into each other’s eyes. You’re hugging, your cuddling and then you’re kissing and making out. This is a face to face contact. When we talk about kissing, there is actually 2 levels of kissing. There is the quick peck on the cheek type of kiss. And then there is the tongue in mouth French kissing. Sounds horrible until it is with just the right person and then it is explosive.
8) HAND TO HEAD. Hand to head in our culture is actually more intimate than face to face and French kissing and stuff because you never see it happen unless two people are really close. Stroking each others faces, caressing their heads – kissing usually goes along with it.
9) HAND TO BODY ABOVE THE WAIST. This is fondling your partner’s body – breasts, chest, etc. Usually it starts with touching from outside the clothes and then can quickly progress to going under the clothes. It’s groping, grappling, fondling. This is also known as petting. No not patting – petting. It you say you are patting your girl friend you’ll get a sharp clip around the ear with a curt “I’m not a dog!!!!”
10) HAND TO BODY BELOW THE WAIST. Again starting above the clothes and going below. Some of you may have heard of heavy petting. This is when you are fondling you’re partner’s genitals below the clothes. It will include lying together semi naked or naked together.
11) MUTUAL MASTURBATION. – that’s bringing each other to orgasm using your hands, “toys” like vibrators or even your mouth (oral sex).
12) SEXUAL INTERCOURSE where the penis is inserted into the vagina.
The question is not how far is too far –
A far better question to ask would be “How can I HONOUR GOD with my physical relationships?”
The consequences of Sex outside of marriage
1) If sex is the focus of your relationship – however are you going to get to know the real person
There was a guy called Desmond Morris who was a social anthropologist who wanted to find out why some people developed strong marriages while others fell apart. He did a lot of research on it and found out that a lot of it has to do with how well a couple bonded together before they were married. He found that couples with the strongest bonds are those who don’t rush the dating experience
2) How you treat your virginity shows the value you place on it
3) It takes something incredibly powerful outside the boundaries that were set for it.
Sex is like a fire – if it stays within the boundaries of an indoor fire place – then it is an incredible blessing
Outside of those boundaries and it will bring devastation.
4) Immorality is a character issue – purity reflects the character and design of God
5) We Will Be Spiritually Healthier
If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live … (NIV)
6) A person can use sex to fulfil a need in them that sex is unable to fill – which then leaves them feeling worse – decreased levels of self respect
Teenage girls needing male affection
7) It can be an ugly incident
“The younger a teenage girl is when she has sex for the first time, the more likely she is to have had unwanted or non voluntary sex. Close to four in ten girls who had sex at 13 or 14 report it was either non voluntary or unwanted”
Focus on the family
8/10 girls and 6/10 Boys said they wished they had of waited to have sex
9) We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With
There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends — these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.
10) Waiting is a Test of True Love
Love is patient. That’s about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner’s love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking …
11) Soul Ties
1 Corinthians 6:16 One spirit
12) You lose the ability to give a great gift to your husband or wife on your wedding night
13) We Won’t Settle For Less Than God’s Perfect Will
When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God’s perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don’t know what we might end up with. Perhaps we’ll end up in a miserable marriage.
So, here’s some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.
14) We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact
We don’t set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12 to “be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” (NIV)
In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to “salt” and “light” when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our “saltiness.” In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ. Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.
Tips to keeping your life pure
This is an active thing- it is not passive
1) Decide now what your values are on virginity, abstinence and morality
Joseph – he ran – he had already decided
2 Tim 2:22 Flee also youth lusts
2) Don’t put yourself into situations that is difficult to get out of.
Make the tough decisions
3) Don’t touch Alcohol or drugs
These things reduce your inhibitions and you will do things that you later regret
4) Pray for your future spouse
So that you have a sense of purpose in your abstinence
5) Set up accountablility structures
Have an accountability partner
Internet accountability Promote covenant Eyes
6) Keep your thought life pure
Word of God Rom 12:2
7) Enagage God’s Help
8) Watch what you watch
Stay away from Pornography
9) Dress with Purity in Mind
Lets switch the focus of this sermon – from sex outside of marriage to sex inside of marriage
Play the Ed young clip
What happens in the bedroom is an indication of what is happening elsewhere in the relationship
Couples who keep the sexual spark glowing are those who are deliberate about their sexual relationship
Keep committed to sex in spite of the distractions and pressures of life
A great Cause – Live for the cause
For this Cause a man will leave his Father and Mother and will be joined to his wife
Marriage and sex is one of the great causes of life
I need to talk positively about the benefits of sex
WHY HAVE SEX
1) It’s great
2) It is the most intimate and deepest expression of love and intimacy
Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
3) It keeps you from temptation – 1 Corinthians 7
1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4) Because God told you to
Let your fountain be blessed
And rejoice with the wife of your youth
As a loving deer and a graceful doe
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times
And always be enraptured with her love
Why be enraptured with an immoral woman
Or be embraced in the arms of a harlot
6) Spiritual reasons – you are restating the covenant between you and your spouse
Sex between a married couple is a great statement to the spirit realm that you are not going the way of the world
Some have even said that it is spiritual warfare and that you defeat the devil everytime you engage