I Had An Abortion:- Guest Blogger Shares Her Story. (Thank You Claire.)

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Last Friday I made a comment on Facebook about an Abortion Bill the Greens were putting up into the NSW parliament: Here is my comment and the accompanying  image from that day’s paper.

M68!: Sometimes I am asked why I as a Christian don’t like the Greens. Here is just one reason why. NSW Greens MP Mehreen Faruqi has introduced an abortion bill into the NSW Parliament that would make it legal for a woman to have an abortion for any reason up to the baby’s birth and that procedure can be performed by non medical people:- thus removing any safeguards for women. This bill if it became law would make it one of the most extreme abortion laws IN THE WORLD.
Dear Christian Greens Party Fans, to quote Pauline Hanson, Please Explain?

A lady contacted me and offered her story:

My name is Claire.

I am a married Christian mum of 2 wonderful children. I am heavily involved in our local church. I am passionate about helping young women overcome the demons of their past and realise their value. I am fighting a long-term battle with depression and anxiety. And 10 years ago I had an abortion.

I was living in England at the time, I was living with a guy, getting drunk almost every night and when I discovered I was pregnant it was made very clear to me that the only choice I had was to “get rid of it”. I was too frightened to call my beautiful parents back in Australia and ask them to come and get me, and felt unbelievably alone.

The actual process of getting an abortion was easier for me, as an Australian woman living in England (with no NHS number and no money) than it was for me to get the pill. The local hospital had a walk in centre who referred me to a clinic in London and they made the appointment on my behalf. On the day of my appointment, I caught the train to London on my own, filled out a form so they could be paid (by the NHS, the actual procedure didn’t cost me anything) and that I understood the risks, had an STI test and was then informed about the procedure.

I was told that I would be awake during the procedure but that the drug they gave me would stop me from remembering it. Once they administered the drug, the next thing I remembered was hearing this heart wrenching sobbing. I was horrified and felt so sorry for that woman. It wasn’t until about 30 minutes later that I found out that sobbing had been coming from me.

They gave me a glass of cordial and something to eat and left me on the bed for an hour. They gave me a sheet of paper with a number to call in a fortnight to get the results of my STI test. I didn’t receive any counselling referrals, no suggestions from the “family planning” clinic on alternatives to having a termination and no making sure that this was actually what I wanted.

I caught the train home, and my dirty little problem was never discussed again. But the consequences of what I had done were already starting to take their toll. I was diagnosed with depression not long after, and then anxiety, and started a 10 year battle with my mental health.

About 2 years later I had moved back to Australia, was single and back in church. A year later, I bumped into a handsome guitarist I knew from my teenage years, and 18 months later we were married. I should’ve been on top of the world, but I kept carrying this extra weight around with me, and every so often it would rear it’s ugly head – I worried what people would think of me if they knew the truth…

I fell pregnant about 3 months after my husband and I were married, which ended in miscarriage a few months later. I was convinced this was “payback” for my past, and I felt guilty for grieving for this baby when I had killed my first one. Nobody could understand the depth of my devastation, because they didn’t know.

Only 6 weeks later we conceived my daughter. The pregnancy was tough, and I drove my midwife crazy with frequent freak-outs about something going wrong. As my 2 kids started to grow, I had to battle with anxiety, depression, loneliness and self-hatred.

I moved to Port Macquarie in January 2016 and started to heal under the love and care of Coastside Church. As I shared my testimony at our women’s conference last October, I knew that I could forgive myself for my devastating decision – and as I shared with family, friends and strangers, I knew that the devil couldn’t use my dirty little secret to destroy me anymore.

As I read in Proverbs 28:13 – He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper. But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.

I am certainly not an expert on abortion – but here are a few things that I have learned:

  • For between 10-20% of women, the psychological impact of abortion is highly traumatic. There is an 81% overall increased risk of a mental health problem, a massive increased risk of alcohol abuse, and a substantial increased risk of suicidal tendency.
  • There is supposed to be a thorough screening of a woman and counselling provided before she has an abortion, but this does not appear to be very thorough, if it happens at all.
  • On average, 25% – 33% of women in Australia have had an abortion. In a church of 100 people, there are probably at least 5 women who have had an abortion.
  • Many women don’t seek help for their grief following an abortion, because they consider it to be self-inflicted. This is particularly the case for women in the church, because of the shame associated with their decisions. They feel they have to suffer in silence for fear of what people will think if they knew the truth.
  • Because abortion is seen as a woman’s “right”, and society tells us that we are free to be able to make our own decision, there are very little services for the 20% of women who deeply grieve over the decision that they made.
  • It’s estimated that 90,000 babies are killed through abortion every year in Australia. That’s 171 kids that should be starting school in Port Macquarie next year with my daughter. None of them had a voice, or took a breath, but I can assure you every single one of them was a human, is thought of and loved – if not by their earthly parents then definitely by their heavenly Father.

I had a dream a number of years ago now of my baby. I know this child’s name, I know their gender and I know this child is in heaven hanging out with Jesus right now. They aren’t rocking it up there as a blob or as a mass like the media would have you believe. I look forward to seeing both my heavenly babies again one day and giving them a huge hug.

As I said on Peter’s recent Facebook post about abortion, feminists, the Greens and pro-choicers campaign for unlimited access to abortion, because it’s our RIGHT – like it’s some kind of empowering thing. But every single woman I have spoken with about this topic in the last 9 months who has experienced abortion feels like they had no other choice. And they’re often forced to go through it on their own. That’s not empowerment, it’s entrapment.

End of Claire’s Story.

My  heart is to empower  women….I love the fact that Claire was open and vulnerable enough to share her story.

If you have had an abortion…God has got this…..Don’t submit to the guilt or the condemnation…The Love that God has for you doesn’t change. You are valued and special in the eyes of God. God has your baby.


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3 replies

  1. Great article Claire
    I don’t know you but very touched by what you have written
    Proud of you to

  2. Wow, thanks Claire for your powerful story.

    I think abortion is such a huge decision for anyone to make, however i can understand why people need to have one.

    My foster sister had a child which resulted from a rape. She felt she couldn’t go through with an abortion. While we all saw this beautiful child as her child, she saw the monster each day she looked in his face, being the spit image of his biological father. It create major depressive disorder and mental health issues. This resulted in years worth of hard drugs and alcohol to cope. I saw her go downhill, and nothing could stop her.

    She is no longer living now, and in her last days (she had cancer and died in a slow painful way) she would think her beautiful son was ‘him’ and would yell at him and call him names (she had no memory of her kids by this stage). These were the last words he heard from his mother. He has had to grow up with the knowledge that he is a product of rape.

    So was it worth it in the end? Did it do more damage than good? So many questions,,,

    In these circumstances I have no issues with abortion. There are circumstances that warrant the heartbreaking decision to end a pregnancy, and i would not hold it against anyone who did for the right reasons.

    However, i am against those who:
    – use abortion as a method of contraception
    – gender choosing

    I don’t agree that you should be able to terminate a pregnancy for “any reason up to the baby’s birth and that procedure can be performed by non medical people” .

    Hard topic

  3. Incredibly moving.

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